Happiness is blank in my primary mind. To be honest, I can't really be happy on what I have, and I am not even really sad when I lost something. What had happened to me? Am I really stoned with too much issues in my life? Sometimes I beg that my old soul will be young again. I used to pray for all these painful memories to vanish into the air.
I used to wish that my family portrait is perfect. With all the big grins on Hari Raya, Gong Xi Fatt Chai, or whatever celebration, you named it. I wish that it is never too late for me to know somebody in my family tree. However, situations detained me to be enable to improve things that had already happened.
I used to regret of letting a real relationship ends. I feel empty when the person left me alone. We had a plan. Maybe one of his plan is to leave me. Who knows? His silence used to be deafening. It used to bleed my ears, which every drop of blood act like an acid to my skin. It penetrates my heart till it crumpled to be a stone and shattered into pieces.
I used to dream this and that. I used to crave for every fine things, every luxurious stuff. Then, I realizes that I wouldn't live forever.
I still have no idea what is happiness in my life. Is it about love, satisfaction or what? What is happiness? Am I too old to forget this simple single concept? I realized that all of memories are more like a blur picture. My friends make me realize I did something which is unnecessary to hurt myself and others. The worst part is I lost in the sea of questions how and why this thing happened.
Still, happiness is blank in my primary mind.