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Saturday, October 27, 2012

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Muzik muzika

Masa aku zaman final year, 2011, January to May, adalah zaman terseksa aku masa belajar. Terseksa tapi bahagia...macam mana tu? haha,,, Tahun akhir tahun tragis yang menggembirakan. I went through a lot of things, thesis jadi macam hampeh (I lost on the way), love sick, get into an argument with Nasrin, lack of source while writing mt study. Ada 3 lagu yang aku selalu dengar, entah kenapa aku pun tataw kenapa. Lagu ni aku dengar masa berjaga (aku tidur 11-2  atau 3) pastu bangun. Salah satu manusia yang bangun time tu ialah mila. Kami selalu gi mandi pagi sama-sama.

Aku tinggal sorng masa tu, roomate a,k.a junior aku pindah blok. Tapi asrama maktab sempit, jadi aku mmg dengar guna headphone. Yang aku pelik, walau aku dengar lagu ni hampir tiap-tiap malam, tapi aku tak pernah nak download. Aku memag pergi youtube and search for the song. Dan yang penting lagu tu adalah lagu cover, dinyanyikan oleh najwa, dan ketiga-tiga lagu tu macam ala-ala genre electronic music. Pristine and clean. Try to listen to these songs.  Masa itu aku tidak pernah tergambar apa rasanya bekerja, kerana bagi aku, aku serius rasa macam graduation is just too far away.

Twice-Little Dragon Cover by Najwa Mahiaddin and Farhan Yassin

Don't Look Back-Telepopmusik- Cover by Najwa Mahiaddin with Beatbox
Like a G6- Far East Movement

Monday, September 17, 2012

Bakul Tawa

Hati menyulam bakul tawa,
bakul itu sarat dengan kesedihan,
Ku bawa bakul itu,
ke mana sahaja,
di tatang agar kesedihan tidak tumpah di mana-mana,



(Tempoh bertenang yang amat panjang, Hanya Tuhan yang tahu rasa ini
 Flat Guru SMSL, 8.27PM)

p/s wahai hati, cepatlah sembuh. Bencilah!!! HESH!!!

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Lakonan...

Ku senyum...
Tapi senyumku kelat...
Dalam hati, senyum tu terasa pedih dan pahit,

Bukan ku tak cuba senyum ikhlas,
Ku senyum untuk perkara lain,
Perkara suka-suka dan gembira,

Tapi senyum kelat
tetap melekat...

p/s Sila sedar diri, lusa dah kerja. Banyak benda nak settle.
      Flat guru SMSL
      25 Julai 2012

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Friday, August 10, 2012

Hidup

Sumpah aku rindu tulis blog. Kali ini aku mahu tulis suka-suka, mahu tulis dalam bahasa ibunda yang bersulam dengan bahasa antarabangsa. Hidup aku macam biasa, tahap kesibukan yang masih boleh diterima.

Mari cerita pasal my so-called wonderful teaching life. Ini musim menanda kertas. Bilik guru meriah dengan suasana raya. Mcam-macam kuih muih dijual. Sebilangan memang sungguh relax, sama ada kerana kertas subjek mereka di hujung waktu ujian (I pity them..like seriously...aku pun tak nak tanda kertas ketika cuti), atau duudk saja sebab subjek memang sungguh chill atau memang tidak mengajar seperti kaunselor tapi sibuk dengan program. Aku suka pindah randah, aku suka duduk dekat dengan Kak azy, kak aimi, yahya, kak faiz, kak jal dan fazley. Memang best sebab lawak boleh mengarut ntah apa-apa. Maka meja Ustaz lan jadi mangsa sebab dia memang tidak duduk di situ. Sumpah aku frust dengan student. Mungkin mereka anggap subjek bahasa senang, sampai mereka boleh buat suka-suka. Rata-rata markah mereka tidak mengagumkan. Aku periksa 1 kertas dan tidur satu jam. Cerita pelajar amat cliche. Cerita diulang-ulang, malah hampir semua pelajar pilih soalan yang sama.

Mari cerita pasal raya. Aku dan raya hanya biasa-biasa. Selama 6 tahun belajar di semenanjung, I never bother to come back for Raya. Aku sambut raya dengan maggi. dan 2 tahun beraya di kg pakcik di negeri sembilan. Sudah 3 tahun aku tiada baju raya. Tapi aku tetap chill. Tiada maknanya untuk ku merajuk dengan diri sendiri. Tahun  ini pertama kalinya aku beraya sebagai seorang wanita bekerjaya. Seharusnya duit raya harus dihulur kepada sanak saudara. Tapi aku terlalu selamba dalam menguruskan hal raya, sehingga saat ini aku tiada lagi duit kecil dan hanya ada 8 sampul raya. Well, kalau terdesak aku hanya hulur macam tu atau guna skill origami buat sampul sendiri.

Mari cerita pasal tudung. Aku akui memang aku suka tengok majalah fesyen, suka tengok orang berfesyen, tapi aku berfesyen dengan ala kadar. I know I am eccentric and vintage in my own way. Hari ni aku pertama kali guna tudung ala2 bawal (walau muka jauh chicken wings dari api macam Datin Juma.) Aku suka sesuatu unik, aku suka sesuatu yang berbeza dari orang lain. Itu memang aku. Aku perasan ada pelajar tenung aku dari jauh, ada ang jujur "TEACHER YOU LOOK DIFFERENT TODAY!" , aku hanya mengangguk dan tersenyum.

Aku si tudung bunga-bunga  d
engan busana jimat dari KAMDAR.


Aku rindu rumah. Kenapa aku tak balik Kota Kinabalu. Entah aku pun tak tahu.

Aku tahu tulisan aku tunggang langgang dan tiada kesinambungan antara perenggan, macam karangan para pelajar aku.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Congratulations! You are now an adult.

Congratulations!
You know that you are an adult when...
You pay your own bills,
You make a loan to pay your ride,
You start sending money to your mother,
You call your mother to tell her that you can't go back on weekend,
You start to worry about future,
and you ignore about simple miscelleousnous.

Kau cakap pandai sangat...

Lawak ke der?
Bila aku cerita perihal perit hidup aku sekarang?
Aku memang patut masuk Raja Lawak.
Dan kau memang patut jadi pengundi.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Ku punya...

Yang ku punya hanya rasa ini,
Cukup bicara akan ku pergi...
Biar ku anggap takdir mengejar diri...
Walau langkah ini tidak selaju mana...
Biar senyumku buatmu terkubur sampai di sini
Biar tangisku hanyut bersama sungai sepi.

(Mahu menerika baju, Flat SMSL 24 Julai 2012)

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Encik Dolphin

Encik Dolphin lahir pada 16 Mei 2012. 
Hari Guru.
Sesuai dengan rezeki untuk ku bayar Encik Dolphin.
Gaji seorang guru (di Labuan).

Gambar pertama Encik Dolphin bersama Encik Chekgu

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Lullabies




I
When the clouds were crying,
The singers leaped on the stage,
Soprano, Alto, Bass, Tenor, Barito,
All blends to make a portion
Of unharmonically music
Magically drew me to the
neverland

II
He woke up before the sun,
Water were sprinkled,
On the soothing  face,
On hands, right and left,
On the wrinkled forehead,
On earlobes, right and left,
On the seasoned feet , right and left,
And the lullaby start...
In  the name of Allah, the most gracious God

 (Childhood at Arwah Atok's home)

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Sumpahan Di Gedung Ilmu

Sumpahan penyakit di gedung ilmu,

Kereta berkawad di lebuh raya
Bas beratur kemas
Keretapi tertib menelusuri bandar kecil
Kampus aman damai,

Manusia kalut,
Hati seolah berlari meninggalkan tuan,
Otak menggelegak,
Jiwa takut akan kematian,
Ahli fikir, mahasiswa jadi lumpuh.

(Memori H1N1, 2009, UPSI)

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Air kekwa

Ku rindu
hirupan air kekwa,
buatan abang gerai,
di tepi jalan
bila petang,
bila hati panas,
bila kepala mula berkabus.

(Memori IPSAH, Sg Petani, 2011)

Google

Iced drinks,hot rice, cold rain.

1 iced lime
2 iced tea
3 nasi kukus.
3 heads popping from the coffee table
The rain would wash away the problems.
They believe.
The problems would end by May.
They believe.
They would graduate this year.
They believe.
Thats the power of iced drink, hot rice,
opinions of 2 heads that weren't that straight as well,
In a cold raining night.

Graduated, 2011. At last.

(Memory of IPSAH and Nasi Kukus Syeikh, 2011)

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Why do you choose to be a Muslim?

" So, why do you choose to be a Muslim?"

It was a simple question,
asked by her,
who I barely know in  the 3 hours ferry,
hanky panky ride to home,

Kaison, Daiso, Shopping
and all kind of Capitalism, Comsumerism and Hedonism ideas flow freely in my brain.

I can't answer her,
on that time.
Phew!
It was not a provoking question,
I guess.
But it sends me a spark,

"Why do I choose to be a Muslim"
I am born to be one.
Something that I have inherited from my family.
But,
What kind of Muslim am I?
Am I the one who simply
following the flow?

The question is simple enough
to start a mechanism of Islamism.
At least in myself.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Salji

"Apa keistimewaan salji?"
Tanyaku pada ibu, abang dan orang lain.
"Best. Sejuk"

Aku tertanya-tanya, kalau salji itu adalah ais lembut ,
seperti di dalam peti sejuk,
kenapa kita begitu taksub dengan salji.

Kalau rakyat Malaysia buat ucapan Raya di Utusan, gambar dengan salji,
Kalau kita pergi negara orang puteh, kita bergambar dengan salji,
Kita bergambar dengan salji buatan,
Kita buat gambar kita main salji sebagai profil picture.
Mungkin kita abadikan kenangan dengan salji.
Kalau dapat belajar luar negara, mesti orang cakap
"Bestnya main salji".

Teringat pernah sekali, lecturer cakap
"Snow is really not a good thing. Do you know how did we sufer, trudging through the snow to get into the campus,
yes, we were excited, but we suffer all the time"

Kadang-kadang kita hanya terlalu taksub dengan benda yang kita belum pernah lihat.
Agaknya.

Cloudy



It was a cloudy meeting,
with a cloudy conversation,
I don't know on what and why do we talked on that night.

It was a cloudy issue,
of politics,
school,
education,
school,
politics.

And the feeling that emerge,
it's cloudy too.
The conversation should end with a coffee.
Though.


Friday, June 15, 2012

The Art of Doing Nothing.

I have just came out from the hospital. I was admitted for Pneumonia (early stage) and couldn't leave the bed for 6 days. Basically I can't do anything, except for taking my medicine, solat, struggling to go to the loo (since the IV drip was always on). My vein was swelling, (in fact, it is still swelling). My body doesn't react well with the injection. The nurse kept telling me that "Urat kau ndak nampak, susah mau cucuk ni". So total jarum masuk badan ialah 20 batang, dan 5 kali tukar jarum.

My mum took a flight to Labuan on Monday. She didn't tell me that she's coming. Before that, I drove myseld to the Hospital and manage to come back to take several things. I brought some books too.

While I was admitted, my mind couldn't stop wandering. I kept thinking about my works, about what would happen at the school, the students' education, PBS, syllabus bla bla bla. I was agitated with the idea "WORK". At the end, I realised that I couldn't do anything. I was disconnected with the outside world. I didn't online for a week.

Well, I told myself that this is probably a bless from God. This is the real holiday. I am given 5 days to do nothing. I just need my medication, I was well-fed by the hospital, I didn't even have to do my laundry. I utilised the time given to reflect about my life, to write my journal (of course with the injection, my handwriting was sloppy), I manage to finish reading 2 books and spend my time talking to my mum.

I am trying to convince myself that it's not that bad for being sick

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Hijab, Hoojab, Tudung, or whatever names you called it.

Yes, I admit it. I used to be ignorant. I didn't care about my aurat. I didn't wear tudung. And not to wear tudung is common from where I come from. But, it doesn't indicate that the society is ignorant and it's up to the women on what they choose to wear.

So how does it get started? Most of my classmates while I was in maktab and university mates wear tudung, and some even wear tudung labuh. Yes, I could feel that how some people didn't treat me well when they see a muslimah being a free hair, and yerp, I was stubborn. But I have this friend, who I think reflect the real personality of being a good muslimah. Yes, she's soft, well-mannered, but at the same time she shows us that you can't fool her.

So at last, I decided to 'berhijrah'. I wear tudung bawal. Selempang kiri kanan, letak brooch. And sometimes I opened my tudung while I was going out. Then, the tudung sarung was in trend. So wore that, but I realise that's not my style.  And some of the tudung is not a perfect hijab. Till one day, I saw a black pashmina and bought it. The pashmina is long and big. It's big enough to be tudung labuh. And I asked myself. "Why not? Why not now? Why can't I wear perfect Hijab?" So I decided to wear tudung before I came back to Kota Kinabalu.

My family startled when they saw me at the first time. My sister-in-law asked me "Ella pakai tudung sudah?"
my cousin asked me "Sejak bila kau pakai tudung ni?", my bestfriend asked me "Kau betul-betul kah sudah pakai tudung ni?", friends asked me "uina..lain sudah kau?" "Ko ndak panas kah pakai begitu?" but my mum said "Baguslah pakai tudung, aurat kita terjaga".

I try to change bit by bit. And I could feel how the society changed towards me, even from the non Muslim. Apart of being in multi-cultural and multi- religious family, I think all of my family and friends respect who I am. Sometimes they even ask "Ella, kau mau pergi sembahyang kan?". And there were several times, when I do my shopping with trolleys, in the small and crowded path within shelves, men will give me space and way to go first while they were standing aside. How beautiful it is when people see you differently, in a good way of course. And even some of my non Muslim friend would tell me whether certain things is suitable for a Muslimah or not. For example, when we talked about facial products or spa. And yes, I  didn't deny it that there would be "Godaan-godaan" here and there. For example,it happens when I saw a blouse which is not suitable for a person who wear hijab, or how sometimes I saw women's beautiful hair.

My advice to the muslimah is, don't force yourself to do 360 degree changes.Try bits by bits. And sometimes, you are going to be frustated.  You have to understand why Allah asked us  to cover our aurat. And from your understanding, try to reflect on how the society thinking about aurat. Do your reading (I love Owh So Muslim and I luv Islam). Try to read on other's experience and the most important thing is to pray to Allah, so that He would open your heart to cover your aurat.

I am writing this not to show how proud am I on my changes. This post is dedicated to several friends, some of them had changed to a better muslimah, some is still searching for the 'Nur'. They keep asking me "How ella? How do u change?"...May Allah bless you <3

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Maka...

Aku cuba lari, tapi gagal. Larianku terhenti kerana seolah-olah takdir mengejar aku. Kalau betul dia bukan untukku, ku memohon kepada Yang Esa, jauhkan dia dariku, kerana hambaMu ini tidak mampu menanggung perasaan ini. 


Friday, June 1, 2012

Langsir Kreatif dan Unik

Ketika sedang mencari idea untuk menghias flat aku, jumpa satu web page ini. Banyak langsir menarik dan kreatif dipaparkan .
P/s I don't own any of these pictures and they are basically taken from the web page. Don't sue me. I am not rich. Hehehe :P

Klu ada peta train Malaysia macam ni pun ok...

Idea untuk mengelak pencuri. Barangkali.

Wow

Boleh print gambar sendiri atas langsir. Tapi lagi sesuai jika anda
 cantik  mcm Selena Gomez (What a dry joke)

Praktikal kepada org yang malas nak cari 'Tassel'. (Tassel tu pengikat langsir)

Ala-ala nampak tak nampak. Motip?

Langsir ini tak keluarkan bunyi macam Piano

Berguna kepada orang yang ada haiwan peliharaan kecuali ikan.

Sesuai untuk pelajar jurusan Kimia ataupun yang baru nak amek SPM
Erkkkk

Kreatif

Ala-ala kod rahsia 

What I've been doing with my life?

To be honest... what could I tell you on what am I thinking of my life now is like this...

Fog
I have been living in a fog since April 2011. After graduating, I didn't know what would happen. 8 months of unemployment and I received sugar-coated promises. Basically, I was doing NOTHING. Life weren't progressing and my eczema and asthma became worst. It seemed that I have fallen down thousand times through this year. Most of my university mates are not yet posted. Our hopes were crushed, I was very frustated. Hope was a walking dream and it seemed that it tend to run away from me.

Finally, I got posted in Sekolah Berasrama Penuh in January. And things seemed to move too fast. Works were too hard and I did not get my salary for three months since I am a new worker, and they had to process the form.

Everything is chaotic. I can't handle my life. My eczema is still there. Sometimes I wonder why do I think of being a teacher at the first place. The truth is ugly. I can't see what happened in future. I can't lead my life. I start to compare my teaching profession with my other friends who receive much better salary.

Till recently, I decided to buy a car. My first property ever. I received my salary. And suddenly I am aware that my life is full with responsibilities. It's May, and i don't have my new year resolution and I was not interested to have one because I lost my hope at the end of 2011. For real. For the first time, I was demotivated .

Well, I talked bad things about falling down. How bad the feeling was. But, as Oprah said "So go ahead. Fall down. The world look different from the ground". I feel that I should forgive myself for not being perfect. I shall forfive myself for everything wrong that had happened.

Now, I should stand on my own feet. I should know how to manage my life. I don't wan't to feel bad anymore. So, here I am, presentingmy Not-So-New-Year life resolution..

Get a ride and improve my driving skill.

Mine is not TRD


Encik Dolphin Puteh (the name that I have given the car) is here. Memang terketa-ketar awal driving. But,    I should start to stand up for myself. I should be brave. No one would help me.


To save at least RM *600 from May 2012 to May 2013


Oh no! I save my muah-ney in the bank. Of Course!



The aim is to save 25 % of my income every month. But, I have to be realistic. I have to set up my home.




To lost 15kgs of my weight.

I know it's a hideous picture

I HAVE TO LOST MY WEIGHT. Current plan is HERBALIFE. Gonna write another part of my weigh lost journey.


To read at least 1 book per month

Heaven of books, perhaps?

Keep on moving eventhough it would be 3 pages a day.


To exercise 3 times per week






I am joining ZUMBA in UMSKAL. Hopefullt it wouldn't be a disaster.


To khatam Al-Quran


At least 1 page after Maghrib. Insha Allah


Going to Australia by 2013


I am selected as Guru Pengantarabangsaan, and there is no way to run.

:

:

:

MASIH HIDUP HINGGA KINI :)




Sunday, May 20, 2012

The first...

Thank you Oza

He came to me, unconfidently. Smiling and I was waiting what was he trying to say... 
"Ermmm...ahh...ermm..."
"Yes Ozza? Can I help you?"
"Ermm..teacher, happy teacher's day!"

He handed me a green card, made from A4 folded paper, with water colour marks.


"Happy teacher's day For you.

May Allah bless you and you will make the leaders of the future From us

I hope you will be promoted to be a Principal in one day soon..."

Honestly, it touches my heart :')


Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Teacher's Day

"What nobler employment, or more valuable to the state,
than that of the man who instructs the rising generation." 
- Marcus Tullius Cicero

:')


Today I celebrate my very first Teacher's Day. We played volleyball early morning, followed by several games and guess what? I win the musical chair competition. And the most surprising part is I was nominated for " Anugerah Guru Paling Bergaya". Apakah?

The first gifts from my students. Thank you Ozza, Aina and Bonnie.


Friday, May 11, 2012

APA KAU GILA?

APA KAU GILA???
aku tanya diriku sendiri...
tapi kerana aku tidak gila...
jadi aku fikir untuk tukar kerjaya...

Aku ingin jadi juruterbang, pakar komputer, model, pembaca berita, aktivis teater, pelukis abstrak (kerana aku hanaya tahu menconteng), pereka dalaman, fashion designer bla bla bla...

aku belum gila...
mana mau cari RM120 00 untuk bayar biasiswa?

Rumours

I put 3 spoons of sugar to the English Breakfast.
I splash the scones with blueberry jam.
with the hope that the calories
would send me an adrenaline rush
that could erase all the trash
and hush the rumours
that profusely made me frust.


Saturday, May 5, 2012

1 Malaysia

Here is the situation.

I am chasing each and every student in order to fill in the form for our drama competition. Why? Because of their races. They're being friend since Form 1, and they NEVER BOTHER to ask what is one's race and religion. :)

And when I ask their friends' races, a blur confused expression starts to appear on their faces.

"Sorry teacher. I don't know what is his race"

No. They don't wear this everyday. 


If you are living in Borneo, this is a normal situation.

Even I, people will always confuse what my race is.

Yeah, if you ask me, we don't have the policy of 1 Malaysia since the post independant era, but you don't have to tell Borneons how to live and tolerate with each other.

Mode: Proud of being Sabahan

Friday, May 4, 2012

Manusia Jelmaan

Haha.
Aku ketawa.
Apa kau fikir aku ini
Manusia jelmaan
yang punya kuasa Superhuman
untuk tunduk di bawah
telunjukmu ynag hilang arah itu.?

(Flat Guru SMSL, 5 May 2012, 6.58 am)

Dari mata

Hari ini dada tabloid mendabik megah,
Berita satirikal cerita dongeng,
jadi omongan semata.
Hari yang sama, kaki akhbar berdiri teguh,
Berita balas, janji ke syurga,
entah bila akhirnya...

(Flat guru SMSL, 4 May 2012)

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Khabarkan kematian jiwa ragaku

Khabarkan kematian jiwa ragaku,
kepada si dia yang mungkin sedang hidup dalam kebahagiaan,
di puncak awan tanpa sempadan.

 Khabarkan berapa tragisnya jiwa ragaku dibunuh,
 oleh si dia yang pernah bertamu di hati,
singkat, dalam, berkesan.

 Khabarkan kepadanya,
tidak guna disiram jiwa ini dengan air kasih,
tidak guna disemai benih cinta,
 tidak guna dibajai dengan sayang,
 Khabarkan kepadanya tentang kematian jiwa ragaku.


 (Flat guru smsl, 3rd May 2012, 7.03 pm)

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Dari hati

Malam hening di SMSL. Suara gemersik Alicia Keys kedengaran pada nada sederhana di speaker laptop. "Coz a real man knows a real woman when he sees her..." Ibu tidur awal dari biasa selepas Solat Isyak. Aku termenung menatap skrin komputer riba. Terlampau banyak yang harus dibuat, harus difikir, sampai PC di dalam tengkorak ku ini, kalau istilah orang komputer dipanggil 'hang'. Esok bertugas lagi. Lusa bertugas juga. Bagaimana harus ku luahkan isi hati ini yang aku tak mampu menyandang jawatan warden. 2 hari lepas aku tekad fotostat laporan doktor, tapi lidah ku kelu untuk berkata-kata. Oh tuhan, tolonglah hambaMu ini.

'Keropok Lekor' Attack

"Cik Fadzillah, anda diminta untuk ke Kuala Terengganu"

Here we go again. So, I was away approximately for 2 weeks. Few days in Kuala Lumpur, then I was off to Kuala Terengganu. Terengganu is a peaceful state. An as educators, we are amazed by the number of straight A's students in Terengganu. I was given a chance to stay in IPG Kampus Batu Rakit, the new building. This new campus are meant for the development of English Education. And guess what, the new rooms are well equipt with air-conds, and bathrooms too! WOW!

So what is special about Terengganu?
First of all, we have keropok lekor all the time. Terengganu have their unique eateries named ICT that stands for "Ikan Celup Tepung". They have fish, squids and prawns even for tea.



Sg Ganu

Tasik Kenyir (MAS FLIGHT TO KL)


And, I LOVE PASAR PAYANG! except with the fact that I am saving for my new car, so I couldn't buy myself a nice silk Batik.

On the second day, we managed to visit Taman Tamadun Islam and Masjid Kristal. It is situated next to Sg Terengganu (I guess?). And I could say Masjid Kristal is Malaysian Taj Mahal. Masha Allah, it's very beautiful.

And I manage to meet my coursemate, Farina...But due to my tight schedule, I cant visit her home. :(

What I learned from this trip?
Well, I was in Terengganu for debate competition for teachers. And I was in KL for the intensive training. I learned a lot about debate. But overall, I could say that debate teach me how to be diplomatic and how to express my opinions and how to convince others. And the rest is history. :)

Saturday, April 7, 2012

His Test

I am a novice teacher. Correction. I AM A SUPER BRAND NEW NOVICE TEACHER. I realize that I start my career at 25 years, 6 years of professional training as a second language learner and teacher. I accept my faith as a teacher in SBP or boarding school. I am unmarried (yet) but this  unexperienced new mother accept the faith that I have to take care other 500 kids at school.

I used to complain a lot. Lack of money and lack of freedom. People said that Be careful of what you wish for. I just received my first salary. So far, happy with the amount. I don't spend much as my life is 24-7 in the school compound.  I don't spend much except when I am in Kota Kinabalu.

Yet, why am I still unhappy?

Google


I have no time for myself. I have no time to read my books. I have no time to exercise. Sometimes, I don't have time to tell Him that 'I have no time'.

I have everything I want. Alhamdulillah. (I just have to work a bit hard to get my first car). Yet, I am still unhappy. I took days of thinking (while doing other jobs, of course!), why am I still unhappy. I got the answer while I was standing behind the lines of students in the Friday assembly.

"Kita akhiri perhimpunan dengan Tasbih Kifarah dan Surah Al-asr"


Google



Sesungguhnya saya manusia lemah. Dalam keadaan lemah dan stress, hampir saya tersungkur menangis. I realise that Allah is testing me. Allah tests me with the rezki that I received, with my profession and with the responsibilities as a teacher. I told my friend, Mila...." Dulu kita dikategorikan orang yang tiada life, hidup dalam kolej kediaman, tapi kita ada kawan. Now we have no one"... "Ella, we have HIM. Bertahan"

"Ya Allah, kurniakanlah rasa ringan dalam aku menjalankan tugas sebagai pendidik. Kurniakanlah aku ketabahan dan kekuatan. Jadikanlah segala amalku sebagai ibadat."

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Header blog baru!

Okay babeh! This is my confession. I am a computer noob. Well, not that noob, but noob enough to give up trying photoshop, excel and so on. I am so jealous with those, especially girls and women bloggers who have  a beautiful layout. Well, since I believe in minimalism, I choose white as my layout. If you remember, my first handmade layout was a quirky combination of my painting in 'Paint' and my convocation picture. I found it unique, ugly but in a pretty way. Wohoo!



Tomorrow, I am going back to W.P Labuan. I have nothing to be done today and basically teman ibu ke gedung 1 Borneo. Beli blouse katanya. (Cerita ini tiada kaitan). By the way, I went back and felt that something has to be updated with my blog. I found this picture, taken months ago. By deriving the same concept of my old header, this is what have I done...


The picture is a reflection of mine on the small mirror, on top of my books. I dont know what are the significances of the UFO and giant daisy. So, don't mind to ask.

This is how I spent my last day of super precious holiday. :)

Thursday, March 15, 2012

I had such a quiet experience (of love)

“What is this poem all about?”

Krukkk..krukk...krukk..krukk...(ibarat bunyi cengkerik berpesta di kegelapan malam)

Suddenly a girl raised up her right hand, unconfidently.

“It’s about playboy, teacher”

Bingo. Her answer was not accurate, but it indicates that she got the idea what is the poem all about.

I was teaching a poem entitled “He had such a quiet eyes” .

The poem is an advice to girls on relationship.

I was a girl,  and I was once a teenager (and thanks God that I was a good one too BAHAHA). All I had was curiosity. I wonder what is so special of being in love, and I wonder why do the elders in my family will always advising me not to get into relationships in my high school.



Love is a mystery. It can be a splendid thing but I can’t explain what it is all about.  Been in a relationship before, but I never know what it is all about. Sometimes I do think that I am clueless about this issue. And it makes me wonder how am I going to aesthetically teaching this poem to my students... 

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Mind your manner!

"aaahhhh?!!"
"Apa???"

These are the two answers that always pissed me off when it happened that my students could not comprehend my instructions in class (or basically, they are simply doing other things).

It makes me pissed off. (Well, I know the level of my agility)

If it happened for the first time, I would tell them "Please use "I beg your pardon, teacher?", or just say "Sorry? I cant hear you."

But the simple "aaahhh?!!" and "apa?" replies are too synonyms with them. Eventhough I am an English teacher, still "Budi Bahasa Budaya Kita" should be practised in class.

Next mission is to tell the students to say "Please" and "Thank You"

Thursday, March 1, 2012

In loving memory of Muhammad Azwan Baharuddin

"Berapa kali sudah teacher cakap, organize your book! Jangan campu-campur sama latihan lain!!!!" Tidak ku endah lagi keadaan waktu itu. Dahiku berkerut seribu seperti gagah menahan marah dari terus terhambur. Tidak ku endah lagi bahasa apa yang dipertuturkan. Anak-anak ini seperti tidak memahami peraturan yang telah ku tetapkan dalam kelas. Dalam keadaan ingin terus membebel, tiba-tiba telefon berdering. Amat jarang sekali telefon berdering ketika waktu kerja, dan aku terlupa untuk meletak mod silent dalam telefon murahku itu.
"Ella, Abang Azwan macam mau nazak."Ibu ku teus menghamburkan berita itu. Kata-katanya ibarat pisau menusuk ke telinga ku.
"Ella dalam kelas ni mummy. Nanti ella call balik"
Seluruh angkatan tentera comel kelas 1 Intelek memandang tepat ke mukaku. Seperti mereka tahu ada sesuatu yang bakal berlaku. Bunyi saja loceng kaki ku menderap laju ke bilik guru, duduk terdiam, terluku di hadapan timbunan kerja seperti batu.
"Tunggulah dulu. Tengok dulu macamana" itu sahaja keputusan yang mampu aku buat. Dengan keadaan tidak berkenderaan dan sekolah yang amat sibuk, amat mustahil bagiku untuk ke Kota Kinabalu yang mengambil masa 3 jam dengan feri ekspress. Aku terus membuat kerja lain, walau fikiran menerawang memikirkan apa yang berlaku seterusnya.
Tiba sahaja di kelas 4 Pendeta, tiba-tiba message bersering. "You have 10 missed calls 087$%^&*" Htati mula gelisah. Jam 2 petang ada pertandingan debat. Anak-anak 4 Pendeta ini diberi pilihan sama ada mahu menonton atau menyiapkan kerja. Aku pula harus bergegas ke dewan sebagai hakim. Setelah beribu pesanan diberikan kepada mereka, aku turun ke bawah dan tiba-tiba disapa oleh tuan pengetua.
"Cikgu Fadzillah, ahli keluarga kamu call sekolah. Kamu disuruh balik kerana abang sepupu kamu sedang tenat"
Berderai sahaja tidak air mataku, mampu lagi aku tersenyum kelat ketika memberitahu guru kanan tentang masalahku. Tersenyum sahaja yang aku mampu bila mana tiada seorang pun yang mahu menghantar ku ke terminal feri. Aku bergegas ke pejabat meminta nombor telefon teksi.
"Nak, macam dalam keadaan tergesa-gesa, mahu ke mana?"
"Saya mahu pulang kk pakcik, abang saya sakit tenat"
"Marilah pakcik hantarkan kamu"
Ya Allah, memang tidak disangka ada manusia yang masih mahu membantu walau pakcik itu hanya pemandu bas sekolah.
Perjalanan ke bandar Victoria kurasakan beribu batu. Sungguh jauh, sungguh terbeban di hati. Pakcik tersebut bawa ku bercerita. Sempat lagi dia menasihatkan aku "Buat kerja untuk Allah swt. Cikgu ni pekerjaan yang amat mulia. Nanti ada dividen di 'sana'".
Setibanya aku di terminal feri, tergesa-gesa aku mencari penambang speed boat. RM15 dihulkur segera. Ku berdiri 5 minit menghadap laut cina selatan. Sekali lagi telefon berbunyi. Nombor ibuku terpapar di skrin

"Ella, Abang Azwan dah meninggal dunia".

>>>>....<<<<

Selepas jenazah dikebumikan, Arif , anak kedua arwah yang amat rapat kepada ku duduk diam di sampingku. Hujan lebat semasa majlis pengebumian tidak mematahkan semangat warga kampung putatan dan masjid bandaraya untuk bertungkus lumus. Keadaan tanah kubur seperti bukit membuatkan kami duduk di unjuran jubin kuburan. Arif duduk di pangkuan, di bawah oayung biru.
"Kak Ella, sejuk."
"Kita semua basah ni sayang."
"Kenapa papa mati? Arif ingat papa sakit saja"
"Kita semua nanti akan mati satu hari nanti"
"Tadi papa kena balut kain putih. Macam selimut. Papa dalam tanah sudahkah?"
"Iya"
"Arif lapar"
"Kak ella pun lapar. Sabar ok sayang. Nanti kita makan"

Pulangnya kami ke Sepanggar dalam keadaan senyap. Hanya esakan tangis mummy ainah dan uncle bahar yang kedengaran.

Al Fatihah

Arwah and I in Kundasang 1992

Monday, February 20, 2012

My own Hogwarts; Activities in classroom

Honestly, being a St. Franciscan is totally different of being a teacher in a prestige boarding school. People say that I am lucky enough to get brilliant students, but they never know what do face in school. Some people say "Ala, senang lah jd cikgu, keje separuh hari gaji besar" . Ahem, tanpa ada prejudis di sekolah harian, teknik dan vok, atau SBP, cikgu kini bekerja seawal jam 6.15am sampai ke jam 4, tak termausk kalau anda juga dilantik jadi warden.

I am now having a massive culture shock. Never being in boarding school before. Masa persekolahan saya adalah masa yang menggembirakan. Sekolah saya boleh dikatakan sekolah yang cemerlang, we did enjoy extra curricular. Tapi di sini, sebagai cikgu saya rasa amat payah. I did enjoy teaching, memang best sangat SANGAT dapat mengajar anak2 brilliant. Kalau kes nakal sikit tu amat minor. But I always remind myself that , life's is not a bed of roses. Kerja perkeranian memang banyak. kadang-kadang rasa kecewa dengan diri sendiri kerana tidak dapat dan tidak sempat berfikir untuk lesson di dalam kelas. Jika dulu masa praktikal, kami berhempas pulas menyiapkan worksheet, lagu, powerpoint, well say bye bye to all that.

Some of my friends are posted to SBP as well. Memang susah payah kami rasa ni memang sama. One of my gfs complaint that she is too exhausted to even plan a lesson. To be honest, as a new teacher, we are REALY REALLY motivated to teach. However, the motivation turns into dust once we were bombarded with workloads. So, I tell my friend that we should have stop relying on ABM just to make our lesson interesting. but how?..Any idea...I shall start with "start preparing a lesson that doesn't require us to prepare a bombastic material", maybe it would go with the activity itself.

Right now I am applying 'these' in my class.

Teachers are human too!


1. The concept of 'NEW TEACHER'
I made a tag from manila card that written 'NEW TEACHER'and simply use a rope to tie the card. In every lesson, I would select several different students to talk and 'teach' certain stage of the lesson. Example, he or she is required to be the 'NEW TEACHER' to discuss the answer of a worksheet. (Mind you, with the real teacher guidance). It;s fun, and it's bost students' confidence to speak English.

2. Using whiteboard (instead of burning the midnight oil) and create a creative activity.
Example, crack the code game (an intro to a lesson), and so on. Jigsaw reading, jigsaw listening, station etc etc. ( adapted techniques in story telling, English teacher you should know this)


3. Sometimes I did book the SAL room. Bring songs to class, get the students to sing at the top of their lung, but of course with purpose.

If you have something to share here, you are most welcome. :) (need a sleep)

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Monday, January 30, 2012

Of beach, school and Labuan

This is my first year of teaching. Officially posted to school and officially live my life as an adult. Although Labuan is not that far from KK, everyone knows that things are a lil bit expensive here. Plus, there is no much choice of shopping places in Labuan. School is getting busier but I am totally fine (another sign of workaholic). One thing that Labuan could change about me is to appreciate simple pleasure and nature. My school is just a walking distant to the beach. Yesterday, Anis and I went to the beach and I collected several sea shells for a decoration in my new 'home'. Here are the piccas...


Anis, the French Language teacher

I am high with the sea breeze

Beach

Collecting shells

Path of life

Ombak Rindu Musim 2

Sea Shell

Sunset