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Saturday, April 7, 2012

His Test

I am a novice teacher. Correction. I AM A SUPER BRAND NEW NOVICE TEACHER. I realize that I start my career at 25 years, 6 years of professional training as a second language learner and teacher. I accept my faith as a teacher in SBP or boarding school. I am unmarried (yet) but this  unexperienced new mother accept the faith that I have to take care other 500 kids at school.

I used to complain a lot. Lack of money and lack of freedom. People said that Be careful of what you wish for. I just received my first salary. So far, happy with the amount. I don't spend much as my life is 24-7 in the school compound.  I don't spend much except when I am in Kota Kinabalu.

Yet, why am I still unhappy?


I have no time for myself. I have no time to read my books. I have no time to exercise. Sometimes, I don't have time to tell Him that 'I have no time'.

I have everything I want. Alhamdulillah. (I just have to work a bit hard to get my first car). Yet, I am still unhappy. I took days of thinking (while doing other jobs, of course!), why am I still unhappy. I got the answer while I was standing behind the lines of students in the Friday assembly.

"Kita akhiri perhimpunan dengan Tasbih Kifarah dan Surah Al-asr"


Sesungguhnya saya manusia lemah. Dalam keadaan lemah dan stress, hampir saya tersungkur menangis. I realise that Allah is testing me. Allah tests me with the rezki that I received, with my profession and with the responsibilities as a teacher. I told my friend, Mila...." Dulu kita dikategorikan orang yang tiada life, hidup dalam kolej kediaman, tapi kita ada kawan. Now we have no one"... "Ella, we have HIM. Bertahan"

"Ya Allah, kurniakanlah rasa ringan dalam aku menjalankan tugas sebagai pendidik. Kurniakanlah aku ketabahan dan kekuatan. Jadikanlah segala amalku sebagai ibadat."

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